21. Australian. Horse Rider. Pysc student. Football fan (round type). Animal lover.

I’m the first to admit that i’m extremely odd, in fact, upon meetingsomeone that i think is pretty awesome, i often make the mistake of telling them this. I’d rather them decide they weren’t interested there and then, then to pretend to be someone i’m not, just to impress them.  As you can imagine, i do not have an abundance of friends. But the ones i do have, are some of the most awesome people the world has to offer. And if my friends were a reflection of myself, well, i’d say i wasn’t so bad after all.

Food for thought (21/4/12):

• I like animals more than people. I always have, ever since i was a tyke. Animals don’t lie, they don’t judge you because of what you look like on the outside. Animals see the real you, whats in your soul and in your heart.
• I am currently studying a ‘bachelor of psychological sciences’. The plan was to finish this degree, do medicine and help the less fortunate, making my Dad proud. That plan has recently changed, and for the first time in four years, all i can think about is becoming a vet, a pipe-dream i’ve had since i was a kid, only now, i think its achievable
• I am incredibly self-conscious. I hate my friends for being so damn attractive. I hate having to stand next to them and feeling invisible
• I want to fall in love. But i need to figure out who i am, to know what i’m looking for in someone else

7/May

• I want you. Not as bad as i used to. Nonetheless. I do still want you
• I’m afraid i won’t be able to get you know that i know what i did to screw everything up
• Sucks, because i had no way of avoiding such a royal screw-up.
• This time, the wanting is different. I still want to be me.

7/September

I’m feeling a little different to this time in May. A lot has happened. So lets recap (so that the next time i feel the need to write, i can reflect on everything else that has changed…)

• My brother: my best friend, my mentor, my hero, my favourite person in the world. He moved up to Darwin about a month ago. I’m visiting them sometime in November after my exams. I miss him. He’s gone, and up until a few days ago, it was really, really hard.
• My car got written of. On Wednesday, i put a deposit on a ute. Dream come true. Everytime i think about getting my pickup truck (Hendrix is his name) i can’t help but grin wildly
• Al-pal is gone. He flew to Greece and is now in Germany. I know we weren’t together, i know i’m not in love with him. But he has been a pretty big part of my life for the passed four years. And now he’s gone. Turns out that it was a lot to process.
• Betrayal. Of some sorts. Made me feel shitter than shit. I don’t really like thinking about ‘it’ but life is what it is. I don’t know if i’ll ever be okay with it. But i’m not one to stand in the way of the happiness of others.
• Haven’t seen my boy in the longest time since i’ve had him, its breaking a part of me. I miss him like hell. Getting this ute will make me happy, because it will mean getting him back.
• I got over him. I feel like an idiot for what i did. I kind of like someone else. But:
• I’m okay not being with anyone, i kinda like it
• Oh and i turned 21. Big deal.

9/October

Its time to start following my heart and stop arguing with my head. I fear failure so much that it is hindering the possibility of success, of happiness and at the very least of lessons learnt…

• Hepsi passed away, Abraham was diagnoised with cancer. BUT he should live. I don’t know how to take it, how to communicate with them. I’ve been avoiding blogging about it, concluding ‘Death and All His Friends’
• I have my boy back - i love him to bits
• I kissed a boy i never thought i would kiss again…
• In under 5 weeks, i will be finished with university as i know it…granted i pass all my courses.
• Its time to knuckle down, for the last time in a while. So